A scared and heavy heart

Dear Lainey, 
You are far too young to understand what is happening in our nation right now.  Hell, to be honest, I don't even understand it. 

Over the weekend, you had the fun opportunity to road trip it up with your cousins and enjoy their company as ya'll peered over the balcony to see the wondrous Christmas lights and then bounce back into the hotel room for a room service treat filled with giggles and fun.

But not everyone was quite as lucky as you and I.  

You see, a terrible thing happened before we embarked on this holiday adventure.  A man in Connecticut took the lives of innocent boys and girls and their teachers. And today, there are parents who are mourning.  They are mourning a type mourning that I hope I never have to endure.  

I can't imagine what it would be like to wake up without you.

As I packed our overnight bag, I rushed into my closet to get a hoodie and saw you sitting in the floor with a pile of my necklaces surrounding you -- some wrapped around your feet, some on your neck, and some draping your hand.  You looked up at me and said, "Momma!! PreTty!!" and showed me all of your fabulous new finds. I usually would say, "Oh no! Don't get them tangled." But I couldn't.  I looked at you, smiled and just said "You sure are." And then... I lost it. I broke down and cried for those parents and just wrapped my arms around you until you wiggled yourself free.

Soon after that moment, my phone rang.  It was your dad calling to inform me that from now on, you are never leaving his side and you are going to be homeschooled... oh, and live in a bubble.  I chuckled and told him that as much as we would like to, we can not protect you from all the evils in this world.  But inside, I knew exactly how he felt and kind of wanted to agree with him.

Little one, you must know that you are the most important thing ever in my life.  God chose me to be your momma and I thank him every day for the miracle that is you. 

And now, as I thank him for you, I must also ask him to wrap his arms around those in CT and bring comfort and strength to them.  

While the image that is typically shown with this scripture doesn't match these event, at all, it is heavy on my heart and I feel like it fits...

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me,
and do not hinder them,
for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 19:14

Love and Prayers,
Momma